Preggo.

I would totally be into being pregnant. The whole bump thing is possibly the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to a woman. I mean, to some people it's disgusting, but I think it's completely lovely and magnificent. A woman is at her fullest and most perfect stage when she is swollen from a living thing inside of her. It's metaphorically beautiful just because of the idea of carrying an unborn. I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but I love pregnant women. Maybe I'm only saying all this because I saw Mrs. K cradle her belly today in mass. Her fingers intertwined over her gray sweater just below her bump and she looked down at it for a moment, and I could only be jealous and wonder about what was going through her head. At that moment I thought she was really lovely, which is odd considering that it's Ms. K.

There are four pregnant women in my family at the moment. Four. Two of them just had babies last year. But I'm not complaining. I love babies. I would just be scared shitless about having one. Yes, I would want to be pregnant, but only if it meant not actually having the baby. I would just have a magnificently engorged belly for about nine months and have people rub it and talk to the little sea monkey like creature inside. And then after the nine months are over, I would return to my usual 102 lb, stretch mark free self. I would do it over and over again until I get tired of the morning sickness. And then there's the whole raising the kid thing, which I don't think I ever want to do. Or, just not yet, at least.

Why am I talking about this?

Anyway, I'm leaving for San Diego tomorrow. I really need this..the past two days I have proved to myself over and over again that my maturity level is at an all time low. I guess I'm just not as strong as I thought I was. I would say that I don't know why I'm so bothered by all of this, but I know I would be a liar. I just don't know if the reason why I'm upset is justifiable or not. But THANKFULLY, I'm going to spend the next four days with no phone, no computer, just family. The best one at that. Even though I only saw them a couple months ago, I miss all of them. Maybe I'll be able to clear up a few things, since I'm clearly the one who has the problem.

Today would've been awkward and scary and disappointing if it weren't for a long phone call from a boy named Nick Perry, whom I love times a million. So Happy Thanksgiving and much love to ALL.

Kelsey Rae