Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Cold Face, Cold Legs.



Pardon my temporary break from Blogger, I'm taking a chance to try out another blogging site, because it seems just a tad bit more interesting than this. But who knows, I might switch back just because everyone has a Blogger anyway. In other news, I might go to New Orleans over winter break. Oh decisions, decisions.

Monday, October 26, 2009

I Hate Being Sick.

To dream that you are trying to run but cannot make your feet move as fast as you want them to, signifies lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. It may also reflect your actual state of REM paralysis while in the dream state.

To dream that you are running alone, signifies that you will advance to a higher position and surpass your friends in the race for wealth. Alternatively, you may be running from some situation or from temptation. Or it may also mean that you need to hurry up in making a decision.




DEALMAKER: You Volunteer to Give Me Back Massages.

Sorry, I’m sort of in a shitty mood. My boss made me put together all these Ikea shelves and it took forever and now I’m sore and exhausted. Alright, sure, we can hug. Wait, what are you doing? What is happening? Oh. My. God. Oh. My. God. Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod. Do this forever.

via Dealbreaker.

Which you all should follow, if you have a tumblr.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Twenty Days.

That's how long I have to move my shit out and into where I'm living now. That's right. No more weekend trips to the valley. The house is sold and will soon be housing a new family.

I used to think that it'd make me really happy..never having to see that house every week. There are too many bad memories that have accumulated from years of family deterioration to count..enough to outnumber the good memories I've had. Too many fights that I've wanted to forget. Too many times I've woken up in my bed hating life. Too many disappointments and too many failures.

But it's not so much the house that I'm going to miss. Sure, I had the most kick ass room that there ever was, fully equipped with The Beatles posters and the most awesome bed ever (cause that's where the magic happens). But it was the independence that went along with simultaneously living in two places that I loved about my life. It wasn't ideal. For the first four years it was rather difficult. I became forgetful and irresponsible, not to mention I was remarkably confused as to what to call home. But when I started going to high school, constantly moving and changing scenery had become a part of my routine, and I loved it. I loved only having to live with my dad a couple days out of the week. And I loved when I went to LA and everyone was happy to see me after my week long absence. I became so accustomed that if I stayed in one place for more than five days I became impatient and annoyed. I had to constantly move from place to place or I would get stir crazy. So how is this going to work out?

Wish me luck in the next couple months when I'm going to have to learn how to stay in one place again.

Also, Tiffany Joy Whitaker.



I miss my lion.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

I Am Not A Slut.

Today was tiring. But quite productive. If anything could be learned from it, it's that

1. My upper body strength has completely been lost.
2. I really need a set of keys that opens all the doors in my house.
3. Trying to climb through a bathroom window while sleep deprived, hungry, and still slighty lightheaded is not always a great idea.
4. I need to make more freinds who stay up past three so they can keep me company while I'm kind of freaked out.
5. Rich and annoying preteens need to get punched in the fucking jaw.
6. A night of fun should never be attempted on an empty stomach.

But other than that nonsense, today was goood. Where the Wild Things Are was great and I can (kindof) make O's!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Good Morning Sunshine.

So, by the time the debut was over, it was pretty obvious that I was in a shitty mood. I was a total fucking downer. I was disappointed in a person who I thought I could trust completely. I was annoyed by people who I once thought I would miss. And I was confused about the many conflicting situations that surrounded me. But I just got home from the longest day of the weekend and I couldn't feel more content.

Cause at the end of the day, I'm falling asleep in my warm and comfy bed. And not in the Glendale police department. Life isn't all that bad.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Grape Stems.

I love it when people can't help but smile. And when they try to hide it the corners of their mouth control their better judgement. I love it when people laugh. No..when they really laugh. When the corners of their eyes are pulled back all the way and their mouth opens and their head is thrown back. When they lose all balance and the hope to regain it anytime soon. I love it when people are so engulfed in their laughter that they don't care if they're too loud or if they look ridiculous. I love it when people start complaining that their stomach hurts after a while from laughing. And I love it when they laugh harder because of it. It's the most beautiful noise ever. And it's when a person is most beautiful. Now, pregnant women lost in laughter..that just sounds beyond it.

And lastly, I love it when the small things make a person's day. It makes me feel like a person that I used to be.

This song reminds me of being a sophomore.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Stir Crazy.

Thank goodness.

for distractions.
for colored pencils.
for my sketchbooks.
for sudden bursts of inspiration.
for my sister and her perfectly timed arrival.
for reasons to get out of the house.
for incense.

And thank fucking goodness I'm out of here tomorrow morning.

I'm getting stir crazy again. I don't enjoy adapting all too much.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Go Suck A Fuck.


Via raisajanine.

Honestly. What on Earth would I do without your ridiculous ability to relate to me even though I get myself into the most absurd situations? And every time you are able to understand and be my friend, even though I can be outlandish and irrational and downright stupid. And trust me, I couldn't ever possibly think less of you at this point. You're still one of the most amazing people I ever will meet. And even though we haven't talked on the real for a very long time, we're able to pick up right where we left off. Every time.

This weekend..I'm slightly excited. Slightly scared. I just know I have a lot of plans with some very important people. And for the most part, I can't wait.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Sleep Sounds Good.

You know those nights where you just end up finding a lot out about yourself and the person you've become? Yeah. It was one of those. And this time it was a completely positive experience.

Oh. And I love Jay Jay!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Write, Delete, Repeat.

I used to be able to articulate myself so well.

But I'm finding myself speechless at the moment. Sleepless. Clueless..probably. And the more I think about all of this, the more my head aches and wishes it were against a pillow. I've tried over and over again to describe how I feel..but every attempt turns into badly worded shitpile.

And now I'm stuck here, in front of a pale computer screen..trying to spill my thoughts in the most intellectual way possible. When in reality I'm just completely perplexed by your thoughts and emotions. And I'm left contemplating the last line of that one letter that changed my life for the second time. So here I am, dissecting and analyzing and thinking..which I do far too much in the first place. And I can't help but wonder when I'm going to stop being such a goddamn cynic, and when I'm going to trust as fully as I want to. A couple more days and that letter will be a year old. And I can't believe how much I've changed since those four days..

Appreciate your own beauty.

There's no particular meaning behind this song..it's just beautiful.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Dear Marvin.

Since I now know that you read this.

So it's been an entertaining couple weeks knowing you since you went stalker on me. But I enjoy spending my precious time on you..even though it mostly consists of you attempting to show off. But I digress. And I hope you weren't just blowing shit out of your mouth when you said that whole ninety-nine percent thing. Because it would suck if you got just were getting your kicks from lying to me yet again. Anyway, see you tomorrow.

On a completely unrelated note, I fucking just remembered that I need to pick up another check from Alemany..and I really should have done that today..but I didn't remember until I got home. So, I suppose that is somewhat related..

I'm currently obsessed with type.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

This Weekend.

I figured that I don't want people to know too much about it..it's just to good to keep it something of a secret.

But I'll leave it with this. I love Marie and our obsession with Beyonce. And her magical fingerpicking skills. Folk You is the best band ever..on the real. I love that song that you wrote, even though you lagged it a million hours again. Just kiddingggg. I love meeting people who know a lot about the city I live in. And I love knowing the truth. Even though it's slightly stranger than I anticipated. And last but not least, I love Jessica and Raisa.

YAAAUUUUUUGHH.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Just Once Chance.

I want I want I want I want.
More than anything else at the moment. Alas. I lack enough inspiration to write a 400 word reason as to why I want so goddamn badly.


So I was reading a friend's blog recently, and it inspired me to read my own old blog entries. It's strange to look back and see what a melodramatic little shit I used to be. It's almost as if they were written by an entirely different person. And looking at my life now and how I react to similar events, I can't help but be amazed as to how much I've grown as a person. It's kind of funny. And now I'm all grown up and goin' off to college like the rest of you. Let's just hope I don't turn out like the rest of you.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Tired.

So since I didn't make it to that Humanities class, and I probably won't make it into the Cinema class, I absolutely MUST find a job. But not this weekend. Most likely, I'm going to spend it in the valley with some people I miss dearly.

So there's this one friend I have who I started talking to again a couple weeks ago, and he's really one of the greatest boys I know. He's helped me this whole week all over the place. Helping me fall asleep. Waking me up before class. Calming me down when I'm stressing out. A LOT.. And even though I never tell him, I really do love him and appreciate his friendship SO MUCH. I don't think I could've made it through my first week without him. Just thought I'd put that out there.

Also, training myself to wake up at 6:30 again is annoying.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Hold Your Tongue, Girl.

Read it.

Just in case you didn't notice the pesky little "url" at the end that fucked up that link. Anyway, the first day of fall semester did not meet expectations.

Maybe it was my body trying to pull a fast one on me, but I woke up at 7:25, the very minute that I was supposed to be let into my English 101 class. My alarm, although it was on loud, decided to be completely silent today. So even though I registered for my classes in June, I was not on the roster for said class, and there were no available seats. Psychology is chill. And my professor looks exactly like Albert's dad. And I got my first glimpse of single mother/student/I can't find a goddamn babysitter. And a dead cockroach. Yuck. I know I will definitely enjoy Sociology. The professor is borderline genius, borderline madman. Just how I like them. Then I had to make my way to beautiful, sunny, and friendly Pierce, which I miss dearly to pay some fees. Then I returned to dirty, yahweh infested, and unwelcoming LACC, when I successfully crashed a Stats class. No Precalculus for me this year.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I Can't Sleep.

Maybe it's because I'm excited. Maybe it's because I'm just nervous. I'm not sure why, but I'm not tired in the slightest. And I'm itching to play. Listen. Sing. Dance. Talk. Scratch. Anything to calm me just a bit. And every second that passes brings me closer to a new chapter, and new opportunities. And every second I get more and more anxious.

Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.

...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Hello, My Name Is Francisco.

Read it.

Megan is back, with lots of goodies for me. And so far I think I'm going to enjoy spending the next year here.

And our star is FUCKING BEST.

Kelsey Rae

Monday, August 17, 2009

Prime Of My Life.

“I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.”
- Charles Bukowski

Kelsey Rae

Friday, August 14, 2009

Good Day, Formerly Titled "Terrified".

Which is weird, because I'm the type of person that can laugh about the events in my life that support my cynicism. But there's no other word to describe it.

But, thanks to two of the greatest boys I could ever have in my whole life, today did not disappoint. I'm truly grateful to have the in my life, and am amazed as to what a simple heartfelt hug can do to my spirits.











But no chilling on your roof to look at stars. Next time though..for sure. And I can't wait!

Kelsey Rae

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

So Untidy.

Is it lame to be in love with a band whose members consist primarily of the members of your favorite band? I'm not sure, but I know that I really really really like them. And I'm finding most of my inspiration in them at the moment. So here's a little something for you all to listen to.



Meanwhile, back in LA..I missed the meteor shower due to light pollution. But I did catch up with a boy who I have really missed over these couple weeks. And I really enjoy how we can pick up where we left off. It's just one of those friendships I guess. Oh, and I fucking HATE ants.

Kelsey Rae

Monday, August 10, 2009

Twenty-one Dollars.

That's what's left from the one hundred twenty dollars that had so proudly existed in my wallet from two weeks ago. So where did it all go?
Repairs to a guitar that no longer belongs to me.
An exhausting visit to an overrated amusement park.
An exhausting visit to an enthralling amusement park.
Multiple sushi lunches and dinners.

One of which was spent with two girls who I love dearly, and will miss when they leave to college. I'm glad I got to spend the last two days with them even though most of the time we bummed it. Well, there's always San Francisco.

Kelsey Rae

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Northbound.

I'm quite self jeopardizing. And when I'm not destroying my own chances for anything, I'm being negative, cynical, and just a little strange. But I suppose I can also be charming and adorable, according to some people.

Jessica's debut was a lot of fun, and all that hard work was definitely worth it. Even though I left early for a little. But, I hope she had a wonderful night, cause she deserved it.





Anyway busy weekend is over, and now it's time to plan for this week. Too bad someone just left to Japan, and now I'm just a little bummed. But no worries. I'm sure I can come up with a few things to do until she gets back.

Kelsey Rae

Friday, July 31, 2009

I Hate People.

I absolutely cannot stand annoying and immature adolescents. I'll admit that I can fall into obnoxiousness sometimes, but I've been surrounded by so much of it the last couple weeks and I'm becoming annoyed and irritable. And I can't wait for next week which will be spent with a few great people whose company I truly enjoy. Including one special girl who I love more than the whole world. And I meant every word of that song.

Sunday, please come faster.

Kelsey Rae

Monday, July 27, 2009

Out Of This Mess.

And sure I'm just a tad agitated, but it's only because I'm quite confused with people who won't text back or answer their phones. But I suppose I shouldn't expect as much..they are in a rather difficult situation.

Or maybe people are just ridiculous. And I'm going through some serious guitar withdrawals, seeing as it was either bring my guitar or bring the one I'm going to give to my very lucky cousin to get fixed.

Well, big big plans for this week. And I can't wait.

Kelsey Rae

Sunday, July 26, 2009

I Feel Silly.

So I suppose I've officially musically humiliated myself over the internet. Even though a few people have told me that they actually like it. Which is weird because I suck at harmony.

In the meantime, I'm trying not to fall asleep because I have to go back to a-workin' in about twenty minutes. So a blog seems appropriate.

This past week has been just wonderful, filled with the presence of familiar faces. Especially yesterday, with the homecoming of a few friends, and long long long talks about nonsensical philosophy. He always has that ability to open up my eyes about something. I'm going to miss him and our adventures. Even if it did end up tripping me the fuck out.



Kelsey Rae

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Chloroforocarbons.

Oh ridiculous words.

Too much has happened in the last week to even fully comprehend. I'm really just happy there isn't any ridiculous bullshit that came from it. I'm not sure why I'm posting this.. Probably because I don't want to study for the final tomorrow, even though it's worth 40% of my overall grade. I need at least an 80% to get an A in the class, so who knows? I might do well. Wish me luck!

Kelsey Rae

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

BTMI.

The venue was beautiful.
The people were annoying.
The first two opening bands were..hm.
The "skanking" was questionable.
And they somehow played songs that I didn't really like.
But it was so incredible by the end of it all.



Oh my. Hugging his sweat soaked bod totally obliterated all the white hipster douchey-ness that had so angered me earlier.

Kelsey Rae

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Burn.

I didn't realize how bad it was until right now unfortunately. I'm quite the lobster.. Ahh no swimming for me tomorrow I guess. Hopefully it'll be gone by Saturday so I can catch a little bit of fun.

Anyway, I'm off for a highly anticipated trip to San Diego for the weekend. Now I must pack.

Kelsey Rae

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Beeeeeches.


Life is good.

Kelsey Rae

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Fault Your Shcist.

This blog is completely necessary only because I feel only a little lost and confused amongst all this shit. I mean, I'm pretty sure that this qualifies as being shit. And sure he apologized for being a complete asshole, but that doesn't make it any less okay that it happened. I don't know..maybe I'm not taking this seriously enough. By I guess I'll learn in due time.

I'm not exactly sure what to think about today. All I really know is that I love my boyfriend and ice cream.

I'm gneiss. Don't take me for granite! God I'm a nerd..

Kelsey Rae

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Ska In The Billiard Hall.

It was beyond amazing. It was probably the only show that I escaped from with no bruises and only a couple scratches. People from Riverside are so nice. It was kind of refreshing. So, I am apparently the nicest person from LA to a bunch of cool cats from SLC. He is GAY. And I got elbowed in the tit.

And now I'm sore as balls.

Kelsey Rae

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Grown Up Stuff.

It's got me buggin' and the next two weeks are going to be incredibly annoying and chalked full of it. Which leaves me thinking that this summer is sounding less and less exciting the further I get into it. And now I'm left wondering, which sounds more appetizing?

A job that I might not get, but I'm in dire need of.

A two and a half hour class taking up my mornings for the next five weeks.

An incredibly boring part time job in a Los Angeles office that I'm going to have to battle traffic for the sake of friends and Jessica's debut practices.

Well, at least I still have my fallback at the end of summer, and hopefully that will cover books for the next semester. On the bright side of things for today, I finally have a car that I can practice driving on. License by the end of summer session hopefully?

Kelsey Rae

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Bee Hill.

Blast that infernal wrong turn that lead us back to where we started. I love our adventures and my badly timed bodily functions. Well, I thought this song was essential to today.



Kelsey Rae

Monday, June 15, 2009

Trust Me.

So the last couple days have been quite interesting. And it's going to be a pretty tough road back I suppose. But it's alright. Wherever it leads, I'm willing to go. Cause it's just worth it.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to be there for my friends, and I'm going to be honest, and I'm going to find out what's best for me before anything else. So let's make the most of this summer. And let's go camping.

Kelsey Rae

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Wtf Charlie Brown.

This week was exciting.
Today was best.
Much more to come.





And it's not even because I secretly want people to read it or anything. I just need to have it recorded. Written down. It's part of my secret crazy that so few know about. And the truth is that I'm fucking terrified. Tomorrow decides so much more than my future. And it scares me most because I know that I'll need more than just two peoples help with this. And I've been keeping my promise so well. Tomorrow. And I won't even find out until who knows when. But I can know tomorrow. I thought I would be able to sleep. I thought I would knock out after today. But sleep comes hard right now..I know that when you read this you'll get mad at me for not calling. But I just feel like being alone right now I guess.


Kelsey Rae

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Speak Grapefruit.

Today was monumental. Well, not to me just at the moment, but in the great scheme of all things. One of those moments that I'll probably remember forever. One of those moments that I'll want to relive again and again. And it's true. Our speaker was the best that I've heard in the many graduations that I've been to. And it's true. My family is the most embarrassing, the most overbearing, and the most prideful bunch that I've come across. And it's true. I'm going to miss it. But there's so much to look forward to.

And, the BEST graduation gift that I'll ever receive. Sorry Chris, but this totally kicks your PS2's ASS.


2010 baby!!

And last but not least, the perfect end to a perfect day. The pure feeling of absolute bliss. Oh the joy of feeling warm and secure and loved!

Kelsey Rae

Friday, June 5, 2009

Go Time.

There's nothing better than the anticipation. And it's not that I'm proud of graduating. It's that I'm so proud of the person that I've become over the past four years. It's been challenging and sad and happy and confusing and complicated. And I wouldn't have had it any other way. I'm pretty sure high school happens far too soon for anybody to truly appreciate its true value. Or maybe that's just it. Maybe that's why we had tonight and will have tomorrow.

My mind is racing far too fast for me to record it all. I'll leave it to this.

Tomorrow I'm graduating. And even though I'm sad to see a chapter in my life end, and I'm sad that I won't see the greatest people of my life everyday, I'm trying my best to be excited for what the future holds for me. I'm sad that I won't be able to dick around anymore, but I'm glad that I'm going to have a fresh start next year, and I'll be able to work toward my dream.

Good night to you all. And thank you for the wonderful day. Year. Life.

Kelsey Rae

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

4/6.

I like it when I meet an older person who is incredibly boring and has nothing particularly interesting to say. Sure, they're fine people. But when it comes down to it, they're just lifeless and uninteresting. I wonder if they've been like that their whole lives. I wonder if they were those kids who constantly talked about their arching classes and never really laughed at jokes because they were offensive or distasteful. I wonder if maybe they found the love of his life because they were once smart and interesting young go-getters that had lost their spark, or because they got a little lucky and found an equally boring love.

And while they yap on and on about useless shit and drone on and on with a bored tone, I just wonder about how they were when they were my age. And if they dreamed of maybe being a doctor, or of joining the Peace Corps. And I just remind myself that I must never let myself get as boring as they are.

In the meantime I'm taking requests as to what song I want to humiliate myself across the internet with.

Kelsey Rae

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Html.

To dream that your arm has been injured, signifies your inability to care for yourself or your helplessness in reaching out to others. You may have been feeling limited and restricted in terms of your freedom or activities.

CONGRATULATIONS RAISA!


Oh, and I won the big award during band awards. Which isn't something I'm overly enthusiastic about, but it was kind of nice to have my work appreciated at least a little.

Even though everyone and their mother wanted to see Up yesterday, and I still didn't get to see it, it did not disappoint.







Kelsey Rae

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Made It My Bitch.

I'm able to breathe easy again.

Last film club meeting and we watched The Royal Tennenbaums. God, I love that movie. And I really like sewing sometimes. Tomorrow: no school. Maybe taking the train to go take my tests. Then maybe band thing then maybe Raisa's. If I can find a ride.








Oh how I love almost summer.

Kelsey Rae

Don't Deconstruct.

So this is my goodnight.
And this is my hope and prayers for a good day tomorrow.
And this is my plea for a little clarity.
And this is my cry for a little sanity.
And this is my hunger for just a little courage.

And maybe tomorrow I might be able to last the whole day carrying my own weight.









We'll see.

Kelsey Rae

Friday, May 22, 2009

Do The Helen Keller.

Everything about prom was absolutely wonderful. And the closest to perfect that any prom could ever be. It's strange. I went into this prom thinking that I've already been through all of that shit. The bad food, the dancing that eventually turns into dry fucking on the dance floor, and the pictures that somehow end up embarrassing you. But this time was so much more than just that. It was the perfect slow dance to a depressing song that managed to become abuse, and trash talking that ensued bonding with a friend that I haven't been able to talk to in a while, ending with a non-breakfast and falling asleep in the back of your van. And so much more.

So I had this dream that it was graduation. And I was wearing a bikini underneath. What does this mean?

Kelsey Rae

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Your Van.

Today started off pretty awful. I'm not going to lie. But as the day progressed everything slowly started fixing itself to a point where everything accumulated to a perfect and wonderful and deathly hot state.

So I wore my outfit that would occasionally show my bra. And I played that fucking tuba whose valve kept on sticking. And I hauled that ass all across campus until I could go to prom and play the tuba part decent and end up in the state that I love the most: warm and full of overpriced sushi.

I will sleep well tonight.

Kelsey Rae

Monday, May 11, 2009

Just Say When.

I think it's only natural to be scared for the future. And it's only natural to feel completely lost and helpless. And it's only natural to fall and have to pick yourself up off the ground. And then to have to learn to walk again with nothing but your own buckling knees and weak ankles. Tears will fall and numbers will rise. And happiness will be gained when everything is appreciated.

Meanwhile, this song is on repeat and I have this content feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me things are far from perfect. And that's where the beauty really lies.



Kelsey Rae

Sunday, May 10, 2009

It Means Poopoo.

I love how my family doesn't let me go hungry.
I love how grandparents obsess over their grandkids.
I love how my cousins don't let a single moment get dull.
And I love how happy they make me.


She's the most precious thing that I have ever seen.

Tomorrow is going to be funfunfun chasing little kiddies around.

Kelsey Rae

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Wet Back.

It's funny how when you have a good day, you don't want to write much. Maybe it's bcause you'd rather not reduce an amazing day down to words and sentence structures. Or maybe it's because you just want to keep it a secret..so i'll leave it to this. Today was the best May 9, 2009 I'll ever experience, consisting of exciting and death defying adventures, a long and thought provoking talk about the future, and the last Spring Concert of my life. This time, it was worth remembering.

And I still need a prom dress..

And as of right now?

It happened before I was really able to think about it.

I'm tired.
I'm irritable.
And my adrenaline rush wore off hours ago.

I wish I had more control over myself and how I act. I wish I had more control over my own irrationality. And I wish things would start to look up for once..and just stay that way for a while.

It's far too late right now.

Goodnight.

Kelsey Rae

Monday, May 4, 2009

One Eight.

It's far from glamorous.
It's far from scholastic.
It's far from the UCLA's and Rice Universities that walk our hallways.

But goddammit. For the first time in my life I have a plan, and a backup plan, and I feel absolutely confident about it. It certainly isn't where I thought I would be at the moment, but shit..I like where I'm at right now. And it's the first time I've felt this way when the thought of the future comes into my head.

In other news, the I want to take pictures at prom fund, or maybe the Let's take a road trip this summer fund, or possibly, the A laptop sounds like fun fund is well on its way. Now let's not blow it on those superfluous little shits that have so violently eaten away at my account.

For once I feel good about where I'm heading. And I know that even if I fail, I'll know that I went into all this without a doubt in my mind about any of it.


Kelsey Rae

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Bahh.

Today was a mess.
And there's still so much bullshit that I have to sort out through.

I want to curl up into a little ball and disappear. Even better would be to go to LA tomorrow and stay there for the next year until I can start applying to colleges again.

Hopefully my dad will let me go out tomorrow. And Monday? Monday is salvation.

Kelsey Rae

Monday, April 27, 2009

Awkward Palm Tree.

Mr. Motorcycle Man was over for dinner. I'm almost embarrassed for her.

Bahh why do I always eat until I'm overly full whenever I feel the slightest bit uncomfortable? Homework still to be done:

Alkazian essay, due on Friday.
Galla worksheet, due last Friday.

Fuck it. There will be plenty of time for that shit tomorrow.

Kelsey Rae

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Mmm Weekend.

My last weekend of freedom for a while. I embraced it the best I could, even though my adventure was destroyed.

And I laugh like a fool. And you love it.












Oogabooga.

Kelsey Rae

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Curly Koa.

Yesterday was exhausting. At least I found my glasses. If I hadn't found them I don't know what I would've done.

Adventure today! Hopefully I don't get lost..

Also,



Okay, so that isn't mine, but it's slightly similar. Two new songs in the making.

Kelsey Rae

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Vegas.

It was that strange happiness that you get from your favorite flavor of ice cream. It was the calming effect that you get from sleeping in on the first day of Spring Break. And it was the sheer giddyness of holding hands with someone for the very first time. That's kind of what it was like.

What possibly was my last tour has so far been one of my best. Even if my throat and mouth did get awfully cut up from that dry desert air. Quick recap?

Fuckin' Barstow.
Lasagnaa.
Magic store.
Jerome learning how to read.
Room raiding.
Sleepless night #1.
Performance.
Vagina sandwiches.
Adventuredome!
And I totally kicked Chris' ass at lasertag.
Awards..?
Midway.
Failed sly-ness.
Romantic arcade games.
Sleepness night #2.
Mass/sleep/crankyness.
Absolute torture.

And now I just feel a little sad. I just want to go to sleep, wake up, and go back to Friday morning. There's nothing I would like more at the moment.

Kelsey Rae

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

No Sleep.

So it's fairly late and I'm not feeling tired in the slightest.

My mind buzzing and my fingers twitching to move and type and rant.
My eyes are too sore to be covered by glasses.
My stomach still full from dinner eight hours ago.
And I still have an English paper to write. Mind you that it's only a little more than half an hour until three o' clock. I'm so tempted to call, but damn..you have class tomorrow morning.

I'm only dreading the next twenty two hours, knowing that my only source of freedom for the next two days come from the next eight hours in front of me. No time for sleep today. I don't care if I show up to Pomona looking sleep deprived, starved, and reeking of sweat because I just had to go running beforehand..after all, it's the most freedom I'll get in the next two days.

I want nothing more right now than to be held. I want nothing more right now than to be assured that distance is nonexistent and worries are unnecessary. I want nothing more than just a little more time and a little less complications. And I don't think I can hold everything together for that much longer.

Kelsey Rae

Monday, April 13, 2009

What.

I feel a bit dizzy.
My eyes are getting a tad moist.
The back of my throat is getting a little choked up.
And my heart has just sunk through my stomach.
















Fuck.
I really messed this one up, huh.

Friday, April 10, 2009

My Way Home.

Friday night.
I'm going to sleep completely sober.
And I'm going to sleep before midnight.
And I'm going to sleep knowing that even though most of today was spent being fat and in my house, it was the best way I could possibly start off my Spring Break.



And I learned that I can pull off corny lines like nobody's business. Awwwwww'yeahh.

Kelsey Rae

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Break Time.



FINALLY. No more waking up in pain.

And I can't concentrate worth a damn..every page I write and every slide I make ends up being erased and redone. And repeat.

It's alright though, because one more week before Spring Break. Awesomepossum.

Kelsey Rae

Sunday, March 29, 2009

San Diego.

I love..
long bus rides with my best friend.
dried mango.
endless girl talks.
punking freshmen.
Sea World.
racing through obstacle courses.
owning at chicken fights.
pussies from Idaho.
sea otters.
BOOBIES.
short shorts.
being the only senior girl in band.
asshole caricaturists.
making new friends.
glasses.
and finally, my boyfriend.

I miss him.

San Diego was definitely memorable. Without question. We didn't get to stay at the dance and we didn't go to the beach or Old Town, but it was fun nonetheless. And it's only made me so much more excited for April tour to Las Vegas.

No school tomorrow..thank goodness.

Kelsey Rae

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

But There's No Eyes.

I'm in a good mood.

And even if tomorrow is my shitty classes, I'm not going to let it bring me down. Because today was a good day, and tomorrow might just be better.

Goodnight.

Kelsey Rae

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Accepted.

Cal Poly Pomona. So, basically, a ton of more options just opened up for me, which is going to make this more difficult than I have previously imagined.

I'm not sure what I'm doing.
I'm not sure where I'm going.
I'm not sure what I want.
I'm not sure how I'm going to do this.

In the meantime, today was:












..but without the onions and cheese.

Translation? Mexican Dinner. Fun fun!
But seriously..it was.
And you may be asking..what does a bunny have to do with my day?

Well the answer is absolutely nothing. But it's fucking cute.

Kelsey Rae

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Apathy.

I have this really good feeling that it's only because I was expecting it to happen. And most of the time I'm not even in the slightest apathetic at all. But when I'm alone. Those are the times that get me. I go into some lucid dream state narrating my whole life as it passes by and I have no choice but to listen to the endless cynicism that plagues my mind. And then eventually I'll feel some huge wave of emotion that hits me like a ton of bricks. And then I just feel lost again. But I suppose I have no real reason to feel bad at all. But still.. Hopefully I'll cheer up before the nights end.

Today was good. Even if it meant falling asleep on your living room floor. Sometimes it's those weird things that you just got to love.

Kelsey Rae

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Internal Monologue.

Have you ever had one of those days where, from the second that you wake up, you have this intense and perfect internal monologue running through your head? It's as if your day is being scratched down by some satirical genius whose only purpose is to make you squirm in entertaining discomfort.

Yeah, that happened to me today. Similes and symbolism popping out like anal beads. And no, I haven't continued reading Apathy yet.

Also, a little talk with a really good friend of mine is making me feel like I don't have to keep any more secrets, and that I shouldn't constantly worry about what people will think. This is how it is. And nothing anyone says or does is going to make me change my mind about it. Take it or leave it, this is how it's going to be.

Meanwhile, I'm completely stressing over this Keller shit. Like I've said before, I'm a worrier.

Kelsey Rae

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Chris Is Gay.



Mmm I want one. So this morning I thought that karma was pulling for me. But then it kind of turned around and bit me in the ass during first period. I guess I'll just have to try harder in more areas than one.

Also, the title of this blog is an understatement.

Kelsey Rae

Monday, March 9, 2009

Red Eyes.

I glorify my own independence.
I preach my own strength.
I stifle my own annoying whining.

Maybe until right now. I feel vulnerable and used. And it's probably because I was and am. But I figured that there are far too many things that I'm going to be sad about. Someones happiness and accomplishments shouldn't be one of them. Grin and bear it. Cry then get over it. I wish the best of luck to her.

But I saw the sunset on the tracks tonight.

Kelsey Rae

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

I Live In My Momma House.

We live in a technological age. Simply said, we live in a time that can never be so clearly defined as the 0's and 1's that stream through our desktops.

It kind of stirs me up inside to think of how it was only nine years ago when there was no texting. How did people stay in such good contact with one another? Or how about before blogs? How did people hint to others as to how they were feeling? And how were people able to manage their friends before they were so cruelly forced to put them in order from 1 to 8? It shrouds our image of the world and makes it smaller than it really is. It desocializes socialization. Takes away from the face value of a conversation and turns it into emotionless text. And it turns one sided conversations with ourselves into pieces of literature to be dissected and over analyzed and questioned. Friendships into races to number one. Competitions of the like.

Today was fun. And I want a mango ukulele. Yes, I know that's not what it's called..but same shit. It has the word mango in it and that's all that matters.

Also on the list:
Mandolin.
Banjo.
Hurdy gurdy, anyone?

Kelsey Rae

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Saddr Weirdr.

It's funny. The reactions that we have when we contemplate our own mortality. Some of us will stretch and squeeze every second that we have left before everything is taken away from us. Some will live in fear, almost too afraid to comprehend what is around them. Some of us will, say, wallow in our own depression, waiting for the inevitable and knowing there is nothing that we can do about it. And then there are those who are completely and utterly apathetic toward the idea. Which I really don't understand at all.

So I just read a very long letter that cheered me up. I've been hearing a lot lately that's been cheering me up actually. Even though the ending of the letter seemed VERY familiar. But, I'm thoroughly ecstatic to know that things might be getting better and people are trying. Don't get me wrong, I'm trying, too. It's a group effort?


But I saw messages that say that life’s better than this.
I followed it down to the ground and took a seat with the other stiffs
I faced my weekend fright,
Looked forward to my Friday night.
I let my worries burn like files inside the fire and lights
When I saw the sunset.


Oh, and it's cool knowing that I'm not the only person that is completely enthralled by this album. Even if they are a little scream-y.

Kelsey Rae

Monday, March 2, 2009

Arrogant Bitch.

I stand firm on the belief that nothing happens for a reason. I'm sick of hearing the idea that we're put on the Earth for a reason and we all have a purpose. 'Tis bullshit. Truth is, live like that and you'll end up getting nowhere, learning nothing, and becoming no one.. Existence precedes essence. Not the other way around.

Don't completely dismiss the idea until you give it a thought.



Kelsey Rae

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Wanna Hold Your Hand.

My dad keeps telling me stories about when he was younger. Like about the time he had to bus it from Ensenada to Long Beach when he was 12 because he and his father got into a fight on the ride back from Mexico. Or the time that he went clubbing when he was my age and got into a fight and got beat up. I'm thinking it's either because he wants to prove that he was cooler than me back then, or because he doesn't want his stories to go untold before he forgets them. He's leaving again. He said it would be sometime next week..on the 8th maybe?

Once again, I can't bring myself to be sad for someone's departure.

Last night.
Last night..

The bands were great..and the venue was real small and intimate. Just the kind that I like. And just the overall experience was..amazing. Even if some really dumb sophomores wanted to be all cool and slick.

Today means going to LA for the first time in two weeks. I'm more than excited.

Kelsey Rae

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Butter Soup.

And even though nothing that great was accomplished, it was a great day. And even if I probably did fail my performance test, everything was mended by the end of the day and none of that mattered. And even if that bullshit recipe turned into butter soup, it was a hell of an adventure making it.

Just another Friday night with vanilla frosting. Haha.

The only drawback of the day is that my bruise is getting progressively less cool looking..



The picture is upside down by the way..don't get confused there.

Kelsey Rae

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Sky Dragons.

I'm slightly disappointed, to say the very least. But I suppose it's alright. And I'm only lying when I say that I'm never going to play and sing ever again. Everything's all good.

So, I had this really long conversation about everything and nothing with this really cool guy I know. And every time I talk to him I seem to learn something else about myself that I never really tried to acknowledge before. And somewhere in his inconsistent, over processed, and puzzling ramblings he somehow comes across a point that I can never seem to get out of my head. The point is, it isn't who's been there the longest. It's all about who gets you on the best highs. And who understands you the most. And who you know will never let you down.

So besides a rejection, a test I'm going to fail, and a car accident, this week has been spectacular so far. Let's keep this shit up.



Kelsey Rae

Monday, February 23, 2009

My Sunshine.



So. It's hard to look at anything negatively right now. I have this warm and fuzzy feeling of bliss spread throughout my body and filling my veins. I can't get quite as in depth, but bottom line..I love right now and everything about it.

Perfect?
Far from it.
Wonderful? Exhilarating? Sublime? Amazing?
Most definitely.

Have a beautiful day.
Week.
Year.
Life.

Kelsey Rae

Eww.

Holy motherfucking shit.

How the fuck am I not blind..?

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Don't Go Quietly.

For a minute there it almost happened again.
My eyes swollen and painful and throbbing.
My face burning from the pain and sadness that had overcome me.

But this time I had a phone.
And this time I had two friends that somehow made everything better.
And instead of desperately clinging onto a pillow, I clung onto a tattered study guide that still has yet to be memorized. And not everything is better, but I'm once again able to lie emotionally naked in my own skin and be perfectly fine with it. It's times like this when I'm desperate to know who my friends are and to what limits they'll go for me. Because it's true. We all feel lonely and vulnerable sometimes. But I suppose every day is just a learning process that we go through in order to learn where we're at in our life and in other people's lives.

And I wrote it all down with a pen on piece of paper that will hopefully capture all my disappointments rather than letting them linger in my thoughts. And even though it breaks my heart just a little bit, there's no escaping the truth. It's disappointment on so many levels. To say the very least. But it doesn't keep me up at night because at least I know there are a few good people out there who understand me.

So I have this eerie feeling that I'm meant for so much more than this. I suppose I'll have to do my research before I make any irrational decisions.

Kelsey Rae

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Sour Patch Kids.



I know those aren't Sour Patch Kids, but they're fucking good, too.

For a second there, I was becoming a person that I never wanted to be. Hopefully, all is mended and I'll be able to be not as retarded as before.

Kelsey Rae

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Jason and The Argonauts.

I love music. Especially when it's STAR WARZZZZ.

Please be patient with me. I'm sorry if I'm rougher than usual. And my usual bubbly and softened corners are feeling sharp and uneven. I'm sorry if my words are harsher, and cutting through you like the razor blades that you've so violently thrashed in your past. I'm sorry if my cuddly exterior isn't matching my destructive interior. And I'm sorry if my destructive interior that is so violently eating me up in the inside gives you the impulse to eat away at me more than I can handle. And I'm sorry if I'm just a tad weepier than usual. It's just been difficult, I suppose. And this is really the only way I know how to handle it. To be honest, I don't know how I can get through it without your help.

I want to know your plans
And how involved in them I am
When I go to sleep for good
Will I be forgiven?
And if you want roses, you can go buy a bouquet.
If that just won't cut it, well what can I say?

You’re what keeps me believing this world’s not gone dead
Strength in my bones put the words in my head
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that’s what you do.
That's what you do.

I want to know your fears
From your feet to the back of your ears
And when they raise the landing gear,
Will your heart stay here?

If you could forgive me, for being so brash.
Well you, you could hit me or whip me.
Oh, I'd savor each lash.

No more fighting
This only a waste of our time
Oh, 'Cause soon we'll be leaving
Will this strength still be mine?

I'll look out for you 'til I die, 'til I rot.
Oh, I'll remember you 'til I die, 'til I rot.


Kelsey Rae

Monday, February 16, 2009

Uncertainty.

It is the subject of the day.
It is the subject of the week. The month. The year.

Only because I'm seeing people betray their morals and beliefs. And I'm seeing people betray their relationships. And I'm not quite sure what to expect next.

Last night > anything else. I love babies.

Tuesday: Concert at CSUN.
Wednesday: ???
Thursday: Dim sum with Lizzette <333
Friday: Most likely, NOT winter formal. No cute pictures for me.
Saturday: Stencils before Mexican Dinner, maybe?

In the meantime, I'm feeling quite content in this freezing weather. And listening to this song makes me feel like everything might just turn out alright. So, enjoy.



Kelsey Rae

Friday, February 13, 2009

Hooray.



My new toy, straight from the Philippines.
SO EXCITE.

Where the fuck do I find strings for this bad boy?

Good times for a change
Haven't had a dream in a long time
See, the life I've had
Can make a good man bad

So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows, it would be the first time
Lord knows, it would be the first time


Btw, new song! I guess I was a fool to think that I'd never have to shed another tear about all this.

Kelsey Rae

Last Night.

I didn't sleep well at all. Even though I was awfully tired by the time I got to sleep. I woke up at least once every hour. I turned over. I blew my nose. I fell back asleep. And now my mind is racing toward no end. Because you're probably still asleep. While I'm wide awake. And I'm thinking.

Thinking.
Thinki
Thin
Th

...

I do it far too much. And I only really notice it when I ramble off in endless tangents about absolutely nothing and everything all at the same time. And when I let it take control of my imagination and create imaginary scenarios. When I let it rule my subconscious. When I can foresee everything that a person is going to say and how they're going to react. I have an eerie feeling that I was talking in my sleep. I felt as if at one point I had an out of body experience and I saw myself saying all the things that I wanted to, but couldn't for the life of me. So I guess I'll leave them to vague innuendo that you all can guess on until forever, but I will refuse to talk about. Unless I really want to.

I know there's a roadblock. And I'd hate for things to turn out as they have before. I'd hate for things to go unresolved. I'd hate to see you in a couple days and we'd act as if nothing has happened at all. Because shit went down and nothing can take back the words that were exchanged. We've been through so much, I would find it ridiculous if we escaped this ordeal with a scratch.

And, I'm not sure what I did to fuck up, but I know that I did. Sleep was my enemy last night. Sleep that was a result from tears and headaches and staying up late this whole week. I'm not sure what it is that I did, but I want to make it up to you. I can't say I'm sorry, because I'm not exactly sure what I did wrong just yet. And I know that that probably pisses you off, but it's the truth. If I'm sorry for anything, I'm sorry for putting this up on my blog. There's never enough hours in a day to get what I want done. I want to completely abandon sleep to escape the demon of wasted time.

So, being disliked. Being disliked by people who don't even know me. I've always said that it'd be interesting and I'd like to know how it felt. To be completely honest it's not half as satisfying as I thought it would be.

I sat there
Absorbing the ever present real world
Wondering why people have to change all the time
And about those who shift with the trends

Well we both know I know better than to point the blame at somebody else
But myself
So I'll put these words on the shelf
With pictures of old friends

I can sit and ask myself what I'm doing wrong
But I'm right this time
These are my convictions, you're tearing down
I won't give up even though it's all anyone in this world thinks we're good for now

I sat there feeling frustrated
The autumn sky was rapidly turning to dusk
And I'm feeling so fucking alone in this world


Maybe I am just selfish.
Maybe it's about goddamn fucking time.

Kelsey Rae

Monday, February 9, 2009

Cough Cough.

So if I'm still sick by Sunday and I DO end up getting a spot for Coffee House Night, I'm going to be pretty sad. Maybe this would be a good time to start OD-ing on Robitussin.

Also. Winter Formal. It's on the 20th, just a little less than two weeks away. On one hand, it's a chance to look amazingly cute and take amazingly cool pictures with an amazingly awesome person. On the other hand, it's about forty dollars out of my pocket, including neither my outfit, nor picture costs. Hmmm I don't know just yet.

Oh, and just because you don't think about something doesn't make it go away.

Kelsey Rae

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Three Floors Of Ska.

The Delirians.
Half Past Two.
Ricerokit.
Deal's Gone Bad.
The Roundabouts.
Buck-O-Nine.
The Toasters.
Voodoo Glow Skulls.

And then there are those girls who try to look cute at shows. You know the ones. They're the vags that sit at the back near the bar in high heels or shiny flats, carrying bags, and wearing jackets because, well, it was cold outside.. They're the ones that did their hair and made sure their makeup was just right before leaving the house. They're the ones who dance a little while watching the other girls get beat up and drenched in other people's sweat in the pit. It's not because they belong to a certain respectable scene. It's because they felt like looking nice. It's those ones that I want to throw head first into the pit. Honestly, no one's impressed. That, and skins piss me off. With their fuckin' chelsea's and suspenders and Doc Martins. Alksjdflkajlkdgalkfdga.

ANYWAY. I'm sore, my ears are ringing, and I smell like ass. It was a good night.

Kelsey Rae

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Wake Up And Live.

So lately I've been trying taking advantage of every second that's given to me. Whether it's trying to hang out with people I haven't seen in a while and taking chances I would've never taken before, or just taking a second to feel the intense and soft reaction that my skin has on a cold droplet of rain. I've been trying to embrace every laugh, every smile, every tear, and every song that's sung as loud as possible while waiting to be picked up after a basketball game. I've been singing louder, dancing more ridiculously, and making weirder faces.

I've confronted my fears and gotten over my demons. I've reached closure with more than few and decided to rid my life of those awful things that have tried to hold me back. And now I have the pride to say that I'm not living without fear, but with the power to overcome it. I'm not living without tragedy, but with hope that things will mend and heal. And I'm not living without worries, but knowing that everything will be okay when the time comes.

So, thank you to all of those who have gotten me to this point. I couldn't have done it without you.



Kelsey Rae

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Sleep In A River.

What the fuck am I doing wrong?

You know, your opinion was the only one that ever really mattered. And it's probably because you're the one that knows me best. Throughout all the bullshit you knew what to say and you'd always be there for me. All I ever did was try to be honest. I guess even being myself isn't good enough anymore.

So I'll ask again.
What the fuck am I doing wrong?

Kelsey Rae

Bleed For Me.

I'm not exactly sure how, but it calmed me. The static put me to sleep better than any lullaby ever could. Well, not necessarily the static, but just knowing someone was there.

And all these tears? I suppose I'm just confused about some things that I'm too scared to say out loud. I'm just a worrier I suppose. Anyone who knows me can say that.

Maybe more later.

Kelsey Rae.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Blog Title.

Maybe it was because I was surrounded by the smell of delicious food. Maybe it was the four guitars being played in the same room. Maybe it was the wonton soup that was warming up my tummy. But most likely it was just being with my family again. Yes, we were gathered for an unfortunate reason. But we helped each other get to this point. I love them more than the world. And I have a flood of inspiration rushing through me like the warmth of delicious soups.

I'm going tomorrow again. I hope all of you are having a great weekend.



Kelsey Rae

Pull The Fuzzies From My Sweater.

The prayers started again last night. So today means going to LA and spending time with the three best little shits in the whole world, and jamming with my really cool cousin Lawrence.

I haven't produced anything that requires even a tinge of creativity lately, so last night was difficult. But, I'm enjoying what might become the end result. All I know is that I'm turning this simple English poster into a full blown art project. I miss drawing. I miss being able to create musical fusion. I miss that creative spark that I used to have. What went wrong? What did I lose?

Oh, and I suck at drawing trees with leaves.



Kelsey Rae

Friday, January 23, 2009

I'm Thinking It's A Sign.

If I had it my way, we'd all be naked. With no shoes. All the time. It's really the only way things would make sense to me.

There's definitely something lacking. And there's definitely something missing. And I hate to think that I like the idea of it more than the actually thing itself. That can only really be true because of the things we don't say and the emotions we keep in, but I have a feeling that it's going to stay that way for a while. After all, who has the courage to tell the truth nowadays?

Maybe I should just grow up and get over it. Bye the way, CSLA is lame for saying that they had an architecture program when they really only have a marketing/design major.

Kelsey Rae

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Simple Simon Says.

I love..

weekends.
Friday nights.
wrestling.
KROQ block weekends.
the taste of Strawberry wine.
Sex and the City.
sleeping in.
fast food.
epic burps.
it when parents invite me over.
late night calls.
being a stalker.
mix CD's.
[Scrubs].
The Simpsons.
ice cream.
scary movies.
physics.
bending over backwards.
literature.
playing trombone.
making fun of people.
long deep talks.
playing guitar as loud as possible.
being with the people that make me happy.

And because of all that, I love life. Cause that's pretty much what I've been up to.

Now, a story.

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousands of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule. A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk. A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about perception, taste, and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?

Kelsey Rae

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Fuck This Place.

I know that the majority of the people who read this live in or around the San Fernando Valley. So am I the only one to be embarrassed, if not ashamed of admitting that we grew up in an uncultured wasteland? It's a collection of shopping malls promoting false needs and neon signs promoting petty sex.



I think it's a disgusting place, but that's just me I suppose.

Break..it wasn't exactly great, considering all the wonderful events that took place in the beginning were quickly overshadowed by unfortunate ones. But it was the most growth that has ever taken place in such a short amount of time, for me at least.

As of right now? Life is wonderful..it never stopped being that way to be completely honest. But at least now my eyes aren't so clouded that I can't see it.

New semester tomorrow. And I'm going to cherish every moment.

Kelsey Rae

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Look At You.

Look at you.
All grown up with your hollow smile.
With your half-baked philosophies and
you've finally found out how to live.
Let me count the ways you fake
You cry
You whine
And you diminish yourself.

Let's cut the fucking bullshit and start living, m'kay people?

Kelsey Rae

Thursday, January 8, 2009

You Should See My Scars.

So I'm wearing this really big shirt that doesn't necessarily belong to me, but fuck, it's really comfy. So I'm stealing it. Not to be confused with a certain shirt that was given to me, but is two sizes too big.

She isn't going to have a funeral. She isn't going to have her brothers and sisters cry over her departure, nor is she going to have a beautiful farewell. Shes going to be put into a pot and buried with her widower in Chicago. I guess I'm not going to Florida this weekend.

R.I.P. Margaret Summers.

Kelsey Rae

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Heineken.

There's this man that I barely see. And when I was younger he was so much closer to me than a cousin..or uncle..or whatever he was. He was one of those people that you kind of idolize and model yourself after. He was hilarious and so amazingly good with kids it was kind of ridiculous. When he still lived on my street, he would look after me and my cousins and my sister. And everyone knew him. And now that he lives in Santa Clarita with his wife, none of the little kids do. It's just a little sad.

There was a point when I was bawling my eyes out when he took my face in his hand and looked at me for a second, as if saying all of the "I'm sorry"'s and "It's okay"'s that he hasn't been there for over the last couple years. He looked into my eyes and took me into his arms again. That moment replays in my head every couple days and I remember the emotion that overcame me at that moment. I feel all the sadness and joy and bliss that I felt while being hugged. How good it felt to be a little kid again, being nurtured by someone just trying to protect you and let you know that you are loved.

I miss him terribly. Alas, I am too embarrassed and scared to admit it to him. After all, I was only a little kid at the time..and it's been a while since I've talked to him. I'm not sure why I wrote it down today, I guess I just had to get it out of my system.

Yesterday was just what I needed. To lie down in that feeling all over again, this time in an entirely different context. But, with the same amount of snot.

Practice tomorrow. Maybe..

Also, my current obsession.


Kelsey Rae

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Honey, Don't You Weep.

Funeral.
Umras.
Party.
Four guitar jam session.

But I can't help it now
Looking for faces in the clouds
I got some friends I barely see
But we're all planning to meet
We'll lay in bags as dead as leaves
All together for eternity

But don't you weep
Don't you weep
There is no one as lucky
Honey, don't you weep
Don't you weep
There is nothing as lucky, as easy, or free


I'm not sure what we're praying for. But shit, it must be good.

As far as yesterday goes, thank you.
It meant the world to me.

Kelsey Rae

Friday, January 2, 2009

Writers Block.

It's hard imagining this as a new year. All the same burdens are carrying over, and already I'm struggling with this. You'd think with all the writing and crying and talking I've been doing, this really wouldn't be a problem. But ughh. Seriously. I guess I just don't want to let anyone down.

I hope all is well with the rest of you.

Kelsey Rae