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To dream that your arm has been injured, signifies your inability to care for yourself or your helplessness in reaching out to others. You may have been feeling limited and restricted in terms of your freedom or activities.

CONGRATULATIONS RAISA!


Oh, and I won the big award during band awards. Which isn't something I'm overly enthusiastic about, but it was kind of nice to have my work appreciated at least a little.

Even though everyone and their mother wanted to see Up yesterday, and I still didn't get to see it, it did not disappoint.







Kelsey Rae

Made It My Bitch.

I'm able to breathe easy again.

Last film club meeting and we watched The Royal Tennenbaums. God, I love that movie. And I really like sewing sometimes. Tomorrow: no school. Maybe taking the train to go take my tests. Then maybe band thing then maybe Raisa's. If I can find a ride.








Oh how I love almost summer.

Kelsey Rae

Don't Deconstruct.

So this is my goodnight.
And this is my hope and prayers for a good day tomorrow.
And this is my plea for a little clarity.
And this is my cry for a little sanity.
And this is my hunger for just a little courage.

And maybe tomorrow I might be able to last the whole day carrying my own weight.









We'll see.

Kelsey Rae

Do The Helen Keller.

Everything about prom was absolutely wonderful. And the closest to perfect that any prom could ever be. It's strange. I went into this prom thinking that I've already been through all of that shit. The bad food, the dancing that eventually turns into dry fucking on the dance floor, and the pictures that somehow end up embarrassing you. But this time was so much more than just that. It was the perfect slow dance to a depressing song that managed to become abuse, and trash talking that ensued bonding with a friend that I haven't been able to talk to in a while, ending with a non-breakfast and falling asleep in the back of your van. And so much more.

So I had this dream that it was graduation. And I was wearing a bikini underneath. What does this mean?

Kelsey Rae

Your Van.

Today started off pretty awful. I'm not going to lie. But as the day progressed everything slowly started fixing itself to a point where everything accumulated to a perfect and wonderful and deathly hot state.

So I wore my outfit that would occasionally show my bra. And I played that fucking tuba whose valve kept on sticking. And I hauled that ass all across campus until I could go to prom and play the tuba part decent and end up in the state that I love the most: warm and full of overpriced sushi.

I will sleep well tonight.

Kelsey Rae

Just Say When.

I think it's only natural to be scared for the future. And it's only natural to feel completely lost and helpless. And it's only natural to fall and have to pick yourself up off the ground. And then to have to learn to walk again with nothing but your own buckling knees and weak ankles. Tears will fall and numbers will rise. And happiness will be gained when everything is appreciated.

Meanwhile, this song is on repeat and I have this content feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me things are far from perfect. And that's where the beauty really lies.



Kelsey Rae

It Means Poopoo.

I love how my family doesn't let me go hungry.
I love how grandparents obsess over their grandkids.
I love how my cousins don't let a single moment get dull.
And I love how happy they make me.


She's the most precious thing that I have ever seen.

Tomorrow is going to be funfunfun chasing little kiddies around.

Kelsey Rae

Wet Back.

It's funny how when you have a good day, you don't want to write much. Maybe it's bcause you'd rather not reduce an amazing day down to words and sentence structures. Or maybe it's because you just want to keep it a secret..so i'll leave it to this. Today was the best May 9, 2009 I'll ever experience, consisting of exciting and death defying adventures, a long and thought provoking talk about the future, and the last Spring Concert of my life. This time, it was worth remembering.

And I still need a prom dress..

And as of right now?

It happened before I was really able to think about it.

I'm tired.
I'm irritable.
And my adrenaline rush wore off hours ago.

I wish I had more control over myself and how I act. I wish I had more control over my own irrationality. And I wish things would start to look up for once..and just stay that way for a while.

It's far too late right now.

Goodnight.

Kelsey Rae

One Eight.

It's far from glamorous.
It's far from scholastic.
It's far from the UCLA's and Rice Universities that walk our hallways.

But goddammit. For the first time in my life I have a plan, and a backup plan, and I feel absolutely confident about it. It certainly isn't where I thought I would be at the moment, but shit..I like where I'm at right now. And it's the first time I've felt this way when the thought of the future comes into my head.

In other news, the I want to take pictures at prom fund, or maybe the Let's take a road trip this summer fund, or possibly, the A laptop sounds like fun fund is well on its way. Now let's not blow it on those superfluous little shits that have so violently eaten away at my account.

For once I feel good about where I'm heading. And I know that even if I fail, I'll know that I went into all this without a doubt in my mind about any of it.


Kelsey Rae

Bahh.

Today was a mess.
And there's still so much bullshit that I have to sort out through.

I want to curl up into a little ball and disappear. Even better would be to go to LA tomorrow and stay there for the next year until I can start applying to colleges again.

Hopefully my dad will let me go out tomorrow. And Monday? Monday is salvation.

Kelsey Rae