San Diego.

I love..
long bus rides with my best friend.
dried mango.
endless girl talks.
punking freshmen.
Sea World.
racing through obstacle courses.
owning at chicken fights.
pussies from Idaho.
sea otters.
BOOBIES.
short shorts.
being the only senior girl in band.
asshole caricaturists.
making new friends.
glasses.
and finally, my boyfriend.

I miss him.

San Diego was definitely memorable. Without question. We didn't get to stay at the dance and we didn't go to the beach or Old Town, but it was fun nonetheless. And it's only made me so much more excited for April tour to Las Vegas.

No school tomorrow..thank goodness.

Kelsey Rae

But There's No Eyes.

I'm in a good mood.

And even if tomorrow is my shitty classes, I'm not going to let it bring me down. Because today was a good day, and tomorrow might just be better.

Goodnight.

Kelsey Rae

Accepted.

Cal Poly Pomona. So, basically, a ton of more options just opened up for me, which is going to make this more difficult than I have previously imagined.

I'm not sure what I'm doing.
I'm not sure where I'm going.
I'm not sure what I want.
I'm not sure how I'm going to do this.

In the meantime, today was:












..but without the onions and cheese.

Translation? Mexican Dinner. Fun fun!
But seriously..it was.
And you may be asking..what does a bunny have to do with my day?

Well the answer is absolutely nothing. But it's fucking cute.

Kelsey Rae

Apathy.

I have this really good feeling that it's only because I was expecting it to happen. And most of the time I'm not even in the slightest apathetic at all. But when I'm alone. Those are the times that get me. I go into some lucid dream state narrating my whole life as it passes by and I have no choice but to listen to the endless cynicism that plagues my mind. And then eventually I'll feel some huge wave of emotion that hits me like a ton of bricks. And then I just feel lost again. But I suppose I have no real reason to feel bad at all. But still.. Hopefully I'll cheer up before the nights end.

Today was good. Even if it meant falling asleep on your living room floor. Sometimes it's those weird things that you just got to love.

Kelsey Rae

Internal Monologue.

Have you ever had one of those days where, from the second that you wake up, you have this intense and perfect internal monologue running through your head? It's as if your day is being scratched down by some satirical genius whose only purpose is to make you squirm in entertaining discomfort.

Yeah, that happened to me today. Similes and symbolism popping out like anal beads. And no, I haven't continued reading Apathy yet.

Also, a little talk with a really good friend of mine is making me feel like I don't have to keep any more secrets, and that I shouldn't constantly worry about what people will think. This is how it is. And nothing anyone says or does is going to make me change my mind about it. Take it or leave it, this is how it's going to be.

Meanwhile, I'm completely stressing over this Keller shit. Like I've said before, I'm a worrier.

Kelsey Rae

Chris Is Gay.

Mmm I want one. So this morning I thought that karma was pulling for me. But then it kind of turned around and bit me in the ass during first period. I guess I'll just have to try harder in more areas than one.

Also, the title of this blog is an understatement.

Kelsey Rae

Red Eyes.

I glorify my own independence.
I preach my own strength.
I stifle my own annoying whining.

Maybe until right now. I feel vulnerable and used. And it's probably because I was and am. But I figured that there are far too many things that I'm going to be sad about. Someones happiness and accomplishments shouldn't be one of them. Grin and bear it. Cry then get over it. I wish the best of luck to her.

But I saw the sunset on the tracks tonight.

Kelsey Rae

I Live In My Momma House.

We live in a technological age. Simply said, we live in a time that can never be so clearly defined as the 0's and 1's that stream through our desktops.

It kind of stirs me up inside to think of how it was only nine years ago when there was no texting. How did people stay in such good contact with one another? Or how about before blogs? How did people hint to others as to how they were feeling? And how were people able to manage their friends before they were so cruelly forced to put them in order from 1 to 8? It shrouds our image of the world and makes it smaller than it really is. It desocializes socialization. Takes away from the face value of a conversation and turns it into emotionless text. And it turns one sided conversations with ourselves into pieces of literature to be dissected and over analyzed and questioned. Friendships into races to number one. Competitions of the like.

Today was fun. And I want a mango ukulele. Yes, I know that's not what it's called..but same shit. It has the word mango in it and that's all that matters.

Also on the list:
Mandolin.
Banjo.
Hurdy gurdy, anyone?

Kelsey Rae

Saddr Weirdr.

It's funny. The reactions that we have when we contemplate our own mortality. Some of us will stretch and squeeze every second that we have left before everything is taken away from us. Some will live in fear, almost too afraid to comprehend what is around them. Some of us will, say, wallow in our own depression, waiting for the inevitable and knowing there is nothing that we can do about it. And then there are those who are completely and utterly apathetic toward the idea. Which I really don't understand at all.

So I just read a very long letter that cheered me up. I've been hearing a lot lately that's been cheering me up actually. Even though the ending of the letter seemed VERY familiar. But, I'm thoroughly ecstatic to know that things might be getting better and people are trying. Don't get me wrong, I'm trying, too. It's a group effort?


But I saw messages that say that life’s better than this.
I followed it down to the ground and took a seat with the other stiffs
I faced my weekend fright,
Looked forward to my Friday night.
I let my worries burn like files inside the fire and lights
When I saw the sunset.


Oh, and it's cool knowing that I'm not the only person that is completely enthralled by this album. Even if they are a little scream-y.

Kelsey Rae

Arrogant Bitch.

I stand firm on the belief that nothing happens for a reason. I'm sick of hearing the idea that we're put on the Earth for a reason and we all have a purpose. 'Tis bullshit. Truth is, live like that and you'll end up getting nowhere, learning nothing, and becoming no one.. Existence precedes essence. Not the other way around.

Don't completely dismiss the idea until you give it a thought.



Kelsey Rae

Wanna Hold Your Hand.

My dad keeps telling me stories about when he was younger. Like about the time he had to bus it from Ensenada to Long Beach when he was 12 because he and his father got into a fight on the ride back from Mexico. Or the time that he went clubbing when he was my age and got into a fight and got beat up. I'm thinking it's either because he wants to prove that he was cooler than me back then, or because he doesn't want his stories to go untold before he forgets them. He's leaving again. He said it would be sometime next week..on the 8th maybe?

Once again, I can't bring myself to be sad for someone's departure.

Last night.
Last night..

The bands were great..and the venue was real small and intimate. Just the kind that I like. And just the overall experience was..amazing. Even if some really dumb sophomores wanted to be all cool and slick.

Today means going to LA for the first time in two weeks. I'm more than excited.

Kelsey Rae