Heineken.

There's this man that I barely see. And when I was younger he was so much closer to me than a cousin..or uncle..or whatever he was. He was one of those people that you kind of idolize and model yourself after. He was hilarious and so amazingly good with kids it was kind of ridiculous. When he still lived on my street, he would look after me and my cousins and my sister. And everyone knew him. And now that he lives in Santa Clarita with his wife, none of the little kids do. It's just a little sad.

There was a point when I was bawling my eyes out when he took my face in his hand and looked at me for a second, as if saying all of the "I'm sorry"'s and "It's okay"'s that he hasn't been there for over the last couple years. He looked into my eyes and took me into his arms again. That moment replays in my head every couple days and I remember the emotion that overcame me at that moment. I feel all the sadness and joy and bliss that I felt while being hugged. How good it felt to be a little kid again, being nurtured by someone just trying to protect you and let you know that you are loved.

I miss him terribly. Alas, I am too embarrassed and scared to admit it to him. After all, I was only a little kid at the time..and it's been a while since I've talked to him. I'm not sure why I wrote it down today, I guess I just had to get it out of my system.

Yesterday was just what I needed. To lie down in that feeling all over again, this time in an entirely different context. But, with the same amount of snot.

Practice tomorrow. Maybe..

Also, my current obsession.


Kelsey Rae